Mother? Yes but I've been a full-time mother for close to six years and not only now.
Mentor? Yes to that too. I would like to think that my children regard me as their mentor, as well as, the many other roles I play. But that's not what I'm referring to here.
The moment of truth was when I realised I'm a full-time size M now, i.e. I fit well into size M clothes all the time now, not sometimes, not once in a while. "What the big deal?" you may ask. It's a ginormous deal to me because I could eat five full meals and I remained at a frame of 1.63 metres tall and 48 kilogrammes, which fit into a size S or even XS at times. Now I eat "rabbit food" half the time and I'm "blossoming", if you get what I mean.
What made me feel worse was when I was preparing for the Bali trip (I'm writing this post on my final night in Bali.), I noticed that the way my swimwear fitted was way different from my Bali trip a year ago. Let's just put it this way; there are a lot more overhanging bits now, much more than I imagined possible. To make matters worse I've arranged for a very talented and inspiring friend of mine to come along with us to help take some family photos. I was even toying with the idea of bringing our wedding attires along just to have some fun "wedding" photographs of my husband and I and Princess and The Rock. However I am pretty sure my gown has no room for all the extra bits! To be honest I thought I would be "invincible"; I would remain slim forever as I lost weight easily after both childbirths. Boy have I underestimated the power of aging and gravity!
I know I've written about how concerned I am about the influence of media on Princess' self-image here but alas I'm not spared from it too; I needed to feel slim and fit to feel good about myself. While I was feeling awful about myself, how I "let myself go" by not exercising much, not paying enough attention to my aging skin, not having had a proper tummy wrap after my childbirths etc., my children reminded me in the most special ways to love myself, flabby tummy, underarm ding-dangs and all. One day out of the blue Princess came and buried her head into my tummy and lovingly said, "You have piggy tummy! I love your piggy tummy because it reminds me of when you were pregnant!" and she genuinely meant it! I felt terrible at first when I heard "piggy" (of course I didn't show it) but I later thought it was pretty OK because she REALLY loves me and my piggy tummy. So what if I'm a size M? "M" simply means "MORE to love" to me now and "S" is short for "SO WHAT?" Haha! I don't deny there's an element of sour grapes. :P
Coincidentally the Rock further confirmed the fact that a woman with a little more to hold is cute! Watch this video and tell me who is your favourite girl?
Can you guess which is Rock's favourite? He chose the girl who appeared at 2:37 because she is so "cute and chubby" and the woman who's bald at 1:50 as "She's so pretty!". So the traditional idea of beauty with long luscious hair and slim build does not exist for a young child like Rock. If beauty and fashion editors see women in Rock's perspective, we would see a wider variety of beauty and fashion articles and models on the magazines at the newsstands!
Does this mean I'm completely satisfied with the way I am now? Not by a mile because I like to feel fit and energised and not lethargic and heavy but I'm not going to bemoan about the size of my clothes (although that means I can't fit into a lot of my old stuff) but get on with some sort of an exercise regime, as well as, eating healthy.
I think I may still fall into "I'm so fat" mode probably once every month due to bloating during that time of the month so do remind me "M" is "MORE to love" and help me snap out of it, will you? ;)
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